Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
