he shaved USA in his pubs
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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