My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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