I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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