Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
