so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
