kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
