Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
