There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
