Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I need a beard to bite.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
