her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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