Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Houston, we have a blender
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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