Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
