my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
