I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
