READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
