New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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