Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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