so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
