there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
