Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
