You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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