you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
