I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
