don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
