You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
