remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
