Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
