I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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