All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
