Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
