you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
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You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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