i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
