Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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