you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
