So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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