omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
