I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
