do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
