If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
