im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
