Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
