i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
