Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He felt like a one man threesome
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
