we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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