It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
What drink are we having for lunch?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
