Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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