my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize