Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My bed smells like the plague
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
