just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
