So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
