oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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