She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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