is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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