I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I believe in your delicious
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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