If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
