All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
