I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I can text with my tongue
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
