I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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