Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
