if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
