the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
