I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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