saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Randomize
